Are We Ever Really Done?
February 13, 1999
Dear Barbara,
Are we really ever done? In a word--no. But I ask you, 'Are we ever done
with any of our children?'
Of course it is a bit different with our heart children than it is with a
normally healthy child. Of course it is. But if our healthy children are
hospitalized, do we not go through the same feelings of fear and helplessness?
Do we not grieve for the perfect life we feel our children deserve? Of course
we do!
Taking on the responsibility of becoming a parent means that you have a life-
long commitment. For the rest of YOUR life you must love, honor and cherish
your children. You must worry about and pray for your children. You must
think about them on special days and never mind the millions of memories that
bombard your brain throughout the years and during your daily tasks. You will
wonder where your children are, what they are doing, if they are happy, if
they are safe--whether they are in your home or even still here on earth or
not. These are just things a mother does.
No, we are never really done, Barbara--and that is not a bad thing. We are so
blessed to be parents, to have special, loving children. We are so blessed to
know that each day is a gift from God. We are so blessed to have friends who
know and understand how we feel. The burden of sadness we forever carry is
light in comparison with the bundles of joy we must all have in our hearts.
There are days that are easier than others. You might even come to a point
where you have an entire year that you can say was easier than the former.
But we must live for today.
When people ask me how Alexander is doing, I am thrilled to say he's doing
great, but I know deep down that that may not always be the case. And being
on this list is a constant reminder of the struggles we have already overcome.
After people find out he has a heart condition and they see him running and
playing, they always turn to me and ask if we're done. I never say we're
done. I say, "Alexander is finished with his scheduled surgeries for now."
That is the only answer I can give. How do I know if he might need a
pacemaker? Will he need valve surgery in the future? Will his coarctation
reoccur?
All I know about is today. And today is great! Alexander is playing with his
brother and running through the house. He has just finished his
kindergarten/first grade math book, is reading by using phonics (I didn't
teach him this--he picked it up by watching me work with Joey!) and goes to
chess club meetings on Tuesday nights where he has all the gentlemen in the
club wrapped around his little finger. ;-) Today is great! In fact, it's
time for me to sign off and give my two guys a great big hug. Being a mom is
the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had. I only hope that it's never
done.
Love,
Anna Jaworski
mom to Joey (7) and Alex (4; HLHS)
author of
"Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome: A Handbook for Parents"
and
"My Brother Needs an Operation"
(available spring of 1999) and
editor of
"The Heart of a Mother"
(available spring of 1999)
Return to Letters From Anna
Publishers Marketing Association |
Hosted by 
|
Home Page